| Thursday, October 30, 2008 |
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婚前，婚後
*「成功」，對男人的定義是指能賺很多的錢，對女人的定義是指能花很多的錢。
*男人有錢就變壞，女人變壞就有錢。
*男人沒有女人，耳根清淨； 女人沒有男人，居家乾淨。
*男人「入錯行」，上班會很痛苦；女人「嫁錯郎」，下班會很痛苦。
*好女人，養壞男人的胃口； 壞女人，吊足男人的胃口。
*婚前，男人像傳令兵；婚後，男人像指揮官。
*失戀不見得是世界末日：你的心也許會'泣血'， 你的荷包卻可以不再'失血'。
*以前提到結婚，想到「天長地久」；現在提到結婚，想到「能撐多久」。
*當初會結婚，說是「看上眼」；後來會離婚，說是「看走眼」。
*婚前，愛情是神話；婚後，愛情是笑話。
*男人花錢，是為了讓女人高興；女人花錢，是因為男人讓她不高興。
*嫁入「豪門」，要懂得理財；嫁入「寒門」，要懂得生財。
*以前的人，視婚姻生活為「一輩子」；現代的人，視婚姻生活為「一陣子」。
*婚前，男人在餐廳等女人；婚後，女人在客廳等男人。
*婚前，男人經常找女人「討論」；婚後，男人只告訴女人「結論」。
*婚前，男人對她悄悄講話；婚後，男人對她大聲講話。
*戀愛時，情話綿綿；結婚後，謊話連連。
*戀愛時的男人，喜歡「毛手毛腳」；結婚後的男人，變成「沒手沒腳」。
*婚前，情侶做什麼都是「浪漫」；婚後，夫妻做什麼都是「浪費」。
*如意郎君何處覓？
有才華的長得醜，
長得帥的掙錢少，
掙錢多的不顧家，
顧了家的沒出息，
有出息的不浪漫，
會浪漫的靠不住，
靠得住的又太窩囊………
*男人呢?
漂亮的女人不下廚房，
下廚房的不溫柔，
會溫柔的沒主見，
有主見的沒女人味，
有女人味的亂花錢，
不亂花錢的不時尚，
時尚的不放心，
放心的沒看頭。
*想結婚，是自己已能獨立；想離婚，是子女已獨立。
*婚前的男人，大都很幽默。婚后的男人，大都很沉默。
*女人的記性，吵架時最好；男人的耐性，結婚后最差。
*戀愛時，一見面就「親嘴」；結婚後，一見面就「鬥嘴」。
*婚前，男人常給女人「空白支票」；婚後，男人常給女人「空頭支票」。
*戀愛時，生活「妙不可言」；結婚後，日子「苦不堪言」。
*婚前，男人天天盯著女人；婚後，女人天天盯著男人。
*熱戀時，總相許下輩子再結良緣；結婚後，常常疑上輩子造作孽緣。
*大男人，會「作威作福」；好男人，會「作牛作馬」。
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posted by [ImperiaL] @ 7:34 PM  |
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Bora Bora, The Romantic Island
Under a one hour flight from the island of Tahiti or Moorea, the island of Bora Bora, with a lagoon resembling an artist's palette of blues and greens, is love at first sight.
Romantics from around the world have laid claim to this island where the castle-like Mount Otemanu pierces the sky. Lush tropical slopes and valleys blossom with hibiscus, while palm-covered motu circle the illuminated lagoon like a delicate necklace. Perfect white-sand beaches give way to emerald waters where colored fish animate the coral gardens as they greet the giant manta rays. This could be easily be described as the center of the romantic universe, where luxury resorts and spas dot the island with overwater bungalows, thatchedroof villas, and fabled ambience.
Simply said, Bora Bora is the most beautiful island in the world.
Pora Pora - the ancient name, meaning "first born," came from legends describing this as the first island to rise when Taaroa, the supreme god, fished it out of the waters after the mythical creation of Havai'i, now known as Raiatea. Although the first letter "B" does not exist in the Tahitian language, when Captain Cook first heard the name he mistook the softened sound of the Tahitian "P" for "B" and called the island Bola Bola.
Romance on Bora Bora
Truly, the most romantic island in the world. From the dramatic scenery to the privacy and amenities of the overwater bungalows, everything in Bora Bora equals a 10 on the romance scale.
Resorts have been welcoming couples for over 40 years and their special amenities have been fine tuned to perfection. From sunrise to sunset, each resort has designed their own blend of unique romantic experiences for their guests to choose from.
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| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 10:24 AM |
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欠扁问答题
Q1.
如果吴宗憲打篮球， 该由谁来防他？
答：慈母。因为慈母手（宗憲）
Q2.
在什么情况下，0 大过2， 2大过5，5大过0？
答：石头 剪刀 布
Q3.
什么鼠最爱干净？
答：环保署
Q4.
什么东西， 买的人知道，卖的人知道， 用的人不知道？
答：棺材
Q5.
左边屁股像什么？
答：右边屁股
Q6.
看不见，听不见，猜一种动物
答：龙虾 （聋瞎）
Q7.
什么动物最没方向感？
答：（迷）鹿
Q8.
什么鱼最聪明？
答：墨鱼。因为有墨水
Q9.
什么鸡最聪明？
答：鸡精
Q10.
什么动物不怕被车撞？
答：斑马。因为有斑马线
Q11.
肛门的用途是什么？
答：剪大便
Q12.
借什么不用还？
答：借过
Q13.
猪是怎么死的？
答：心跳停止死的
Q14.
周家3个孩子， 谁最懒惰，谁又最勤劳？
答：老大最懒惰。 劳尔最勤劳。 因为'一不做，二不休'
Q15.
狐狸为什么会跌倒？
答：因为它 '狡猾'
Q16.
为什么米粉说鱼不老实？
答：因为鱼（片）米粉
Q17.
酱 的妈妈是谁？
答：花。 因为花（生）酱
Q18.
什么老鼠用两支脚走路？
答：米老鼠
Q19.
猪生小猪。牛生小牛。鸡生什么？
答：鸡蛋
Q20.
有两兄弟。 大白和小白。他们长得很想。每次人家看到小白的时候都会说什么？
答：真（相）大白
Q21.
小明喝牛奶长大，大明喝什么长大？
答：酒。 因为（酒养）大明
Q22.
什么动物是开瓶专家？
答：孔雀。因为孔雀（开屏）
Q23.
什么国家的人最爱穿衣服？
答：四川。因为（试穿）人 |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 8:58 AM |
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Upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
Dear IT Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.
And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Housewife
REPLY
Dear Desperate Housewife,
First keep in mind:Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.
Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly. wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crashHusband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.
Good Luck,
IT Support |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 8:50 AM |
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| Sunday, October 26, 2008 |
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很有意義的十句話
第一句 - 沒有一百分的另一半 只有五十分的兩個人
第二句 - 付出真心 才會得到真心 卻也可能傷得徹底保持距離 就能保護自己 卻也註定永遠寂寞
第三句 - 通常願意留下來跟你爭吵的人 才是真正愛你的人
第四句 - 有時候 不是對方不在乎你 而是你把對方看得太重
第五句 - 冷漠 有時候並不是無情 只是一種避免被傷害的工具
第六句 - 如果我們之間有 1000 步的距離 你只要跨出第1步我就會朝你的方向走其餘的 999 步
第七句 - 為你的難過而快樂的 是敵人為你的快樂而快樂的 是朋友為你的難過而難過的 就是那些 該放進心裡的人
第八句 - 就算是 believe 中間也藏了一個 lie
第九句 - 真正的好朋友 並不是在一起就有聊不完的話題而是在一起 就算不說話 也不會感到尷尬
第十句 - 朋友就是被你看透了 還能喜歡你的人 |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 9:09 PM |
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不知道的今天
咳。。今天也够倒霉的，我的宝贝既然被强曝了。吓到我吓吓。还好不会很利害，要不然我把它给刹了。害我多心疼啊！！ 烦烦烦！！下载两部戏下整天都下不完。今天到底是社么天啊！！不知道是不是因为今甜偷懒没去教堂的关系呢？难道。。。？应该不会吧！！
不过还是待在家里最好的。哈哈哈哈！ |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 8:46 PM |
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My Horoscope
PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Messy at times and irresponsible! Smart but lazy. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. Lover of animals. VERY caring, make wonderful nurses or doctors. They always try to do the right thing sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but need to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 2:43 PM |
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| Friday, October 24, 2008 |
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Super Dancer Online-Xtreme "SDO-X"
我最近都在玩这个游戏，被个小妹妹给教坏了。真是可怜啊！！哈哈！不过也介绍了给几个朋友，他们都满喜欢的！！还好！如果你们也要的话就游览这网站吧！
希望你们也会喜欢咯！
http://xdo.cibmall.net/index.htm
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| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 9:49 PM |
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| Wednesday, October 22, 2008 |
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[Life] take a look a nice story with pic
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| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 6:52 PM |
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| Monday, October 20, 2008 |
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SignBoard Joke
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| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 9:31 PM |
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Men and Women
Q:What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward..... backward... forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.
7 qualities to be a perfect wife: Beautiful,ResponsibleEnergeticAdorableSweet Truthful andSelf-Organized.In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.
Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day...
Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
Answer: The boy's hand.
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked 'Why'?
A: The animals told him...........'Your tail is in the front'. |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 9:26 PM |
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'Sex Education' by Phua Chu Kang
Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius .........
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becos, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the road, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't play play ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses ?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use your brain, use your brainnn ...........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Correct or not ?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your brain, use your brainnnnn .............................. you go and dig your nose in front of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah !!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ....... ,' Best in Singapore , JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!' also ah!!! |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 9:17 PM |
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Malaysian joke.. see if u understand?
Apek : Lu potong zaka ada bagut kah?
Ali : Manyak bagut.. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo.
Apek : ?!!...err…saya kawan ada cakap, potong zaka aahh…manyak ploblem.
Ali : Apa probrem?
Apek : Manyak buang lui…lagi aahh…dia punya performance talah bagut….Manyak cinang
semputloh.
Ali : Cehh, apek. Lu apa celita. Saya suda lama potong. Tada apa probrem....bini saya manyak puas woo…Apek : Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?
Ali : Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh, lagi sedap maen woo….Lu lagi lambat pancut.
Apek : ???!!!...err…lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5?
Ali : ….??!!....woi apek…cakap baik2 sikit laa. Saya punya 6 inci lah.
Apek : ??!...Tiew nia sing…lu jangan maen2 haa…mana ada potong zaka 6 inci?
Ali : Cilaka apek ni…nak tengok…(unzip his trousers)
Apek : Chee sin punya olang. Gua tanya baik2….lu tunjuk lu punya lanchiau.
Ali : Abis…lu tarak percaya….saya tunjuk la.
Apek : Saya talah tanya sama lu punya lanchiau…Saya tanya lu pasal it nasional car…potong zaka…molo punya olang..
Ali : Aiya apek…lain kali lu sebut betul2 la…kasi susa saja…Bukan potong zaka la….proton saga. |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 9:11 PM |
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我 的 家 庭
某天 ~ 黃淙暐的老師 ~在課堂上出習題 ~> > 作文名稱：我的家庭我出生在一個非常貧苦的家庭，記得小時候，爸爸的生活很無聊，整天只能數錢，媽媽也是，整天都在掃錢。我家住在深山中，每次要出去買東西，都相當麻煩，開保時捷要 5 小時，開賓士也要4 小時；雖然家裡有直昇機，但是開到那邊很難找到停機位，相當的不方便。我偶爾也會出去逛街，爸媽怕我被綁架，隨身有 20 多個保鑣保護著，大家看到我都嚇跑了，所以我從小就開始被排斥...... 因為家裡是在深山，每次到了冬天都非常冷，爸爸也說，出去買東西很麻煩，所以冬天沒有暖爐 ...沒有棉被 ...每天只能陪著爸媽燒錢取暖 ... 而睡覺的時候，也只能蓋著錢睡覺 (我覺得英鎊比較溫暖) 。記得小時候，有一次，因為房間太大，還來不及跑出房間，就尿褲子了。所以，爸爸在我房間放了一台小綿羊機車，好讓我能在 10分鐘以內，衝出 1000 坪的房間，穿越 5公里的走廊，到達 800 坪的廁所 (我常常在走廊迷路 ) 。爸爸又另外叫人加蓋了 20間 600坪裡面有著250 坪小廁所的破房間。爸爸說：以後如果尿濕了，直接換房間，如果房間不夠或是太小的話，再告訴爸爸，爸爸再叫人來多蓋幾間，我們的生活很辛苦，你要忍著點！！現在想起來，爸爸真是個善良的人！！還記得有一次，家裡遭小偷，因為他用炸藥炸壞了我爸的保險箱，使得裡面的金幣不斷的往外滾出來，結果竟把那個小偷壓死了 ......我覺得那個小偷好可憐 ......金幣壓死人是很痛的!! 他不像之前那個被鈔票悶死的小偷一樣幸運。媽媽也常常告訴我，我們家生活非常困苦～要我學著吃苦～所以我從小養成了刻苦耐勞精神，我將來的志願，是要找 200 隻會吃錢的怪物，好把家裡的錢都吃光，為那些可憐的小偷報仇！！嘉義市蘭潭國小六年一班黃淙暐老師評語：去死啦！ |
| posted by [ImperiaL] @ 8:45 PM |
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| About Me |
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Name: [ImperiaL]
Home: Miri, Swk, Malaysia
About Me: Erm......about me?I think better to ask my friends leh,coz i donno how to c myself de leh.
See my complete profile
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